The moon and the light

I will let you imagine what is going on

What do you believe you are seeing or feeling in a literal sense from?

My confusion, my focus. my question

This was, more for me, something spiritual and imaginary to think. It was a thought to me. It is more of me being myself. I like being myself when I can. Sometimes I do get scared of what I create... I think of art as an outlet. I like art, my spiritual sense, and my dark sense because of what... How should I put it? The picture is me. It is me in that fantasy world of a comic. I feel like this is me.
What do I mean in a confusion?

I see myself in an altered state, a fighter state, someone willing to do damage. And someone who is also fighting something hoping that some will relate to it. If you had a life reflecting some type of darkness and you felt push to your limit, what would you in that point? What is your distress call? What is your meaning for your purpose at that point? When fight or flight kicks in and makes it depressing or a nightmare?

And then you think, can I turn that around to the bright light? Can a wrong be turned into a light?

My take on reality

Interesting thing, in the  nightmare of the sweats in reality. Constantly on medication and looking at TV, filling out medical forms or being independent. It is one of those things that will eventually make you mad, and then you think of the reality of interacting with people. Listening to people, hearing them talk and hearing them go on and on? It is a bit tiring. It is one of those moments where the happiness comes out every so much, however in the depression of wounds and no one listening to you, who would? Who would believe the sanity in your mind and you think of the insanity.... Insanity, horror, gore and fear, ever taking a grip on you. Yet, you still smile, cry, and get back up.

What I thought I would write and now what I am writing

For this picture, I guess I can say in a sense, this is how I feel. I feel not to light, but not too heavy from what I deal with. I find the idea of art interesting, Art interesting... Yet thinking about reality, and also thinking about fantasy. Sorry, I do not know where I am going with this. I guess you can say I been out of it or not out of it.

When your knocked out of it, it is like, what to write?

I will start with the picture. It is a altered vision of me. And it is me as what people or what I believe I am  A angel. However, what kind of angel?

My idea of my thoughts and what I think of them.

It can be difficult to think of how I think of my thoughts or thinking in general. I get confused in my own thoughts at times, and sometimes I let them play me. However, that does mean that I actually let me play me. Scaring me, forcing me, being negative, forcing desires... It is one of those things that will make someone go mad and upset them to a point of hysteria and paranoia. Insanity is more o the word for it. Thinking about insanity. And then thinking of the annoying questions that bother you and give you insanity.
When in that insanity, thoughts become daily. When these thoughts become, more of your reality, and predict your thoughts, it becomes warped. Being a warped person, your personality changes also. For a long time, I have been warped and disturbed. You hate reality, you try to escape it and get out of the hell in this mess. However, humanity, love?
Look, I try to give love, I really do. But at some point, when things were bothering me, all I can think about was the thing I was scared of. That insanity that made a mode into a blood thirst war machine that does not care? Hehehhehe... it is a delightful thought of blood, however, when does that trigger? When does that cross over? I wonder that when I am frustrated, sad, or lonely, and when I am scared. I am but I will move on.

Depression

Hurt, the idea of hurt, the madness of a crazed mind and heart. The sounds of voices and noises. The thought of your heart pulsing and moving. Going through ups and downs. Going through the relationships if people and losing and gaining things. Annoying things and good and blessed ideas. Losing and giving. Thinking and doing.... And crying. It is normal to think that in the pit of depression. You think. And then you write. Your passion, ideas, dreams, experiences and so on, overflow this struggle and then you move on. The step is yours.

What I feel at times

I find that, sometimes I do get lonely or sad. Sometimes I feel depressed out of it, but sometimes I think about other thoughts. Finding my ability to not give up, dealing with voices and other thoughts that are maddening and disturbing.... It gets to a point where I wonder about sanity and insanity and the things of life. Finding my motivation, self- worth, and trust in people is hard but it pays off. It literally is when you realized what you been through and you snap, but you are happy. You are happy.. and also.. you are smiling.. why because you know at that point, nothing will stop you.

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I can say, that life itself is interesting in it´s itself. I find that in problems, the only thing I can do is try to manage and stay in somewhat of a calm state of mind. Panicking does not help the scars go, it only makes them deeper to a point where you wonder¨ how do I find a way out?¨. You go back to what you know, what made you, you. Life is not something simple or something that can be remedied with a hot cup of water, tea, coffee, or whatever it is. In short, that is what depression is and that is all it is. It is a constant struggle not to tip over and when you tip, you need to find a way to get back into a stance. And what I mean, you need to stand up to it and flow with it, until you can beat some part of it. The more you let your gut or instincts help you, even if you are wrong in some sense, you are in another sense right. You just have to look at it like that. For me, it was when I was depressed and deciding or thinking about quitting, and what I mean was when I was in a situation that made me shift. Medication, hurtful or direct thoughts of ending yourself does not help. You will never get out the nightmare, but you can have fun in the game if you choose to. Then again, to my thought to you,¨ What was your game about?¨.

I find talking to myself an interesting discussion of me and what is in my mind. It is funny to say how long I been dealing with voices or the paranormal. However, I will get more into that later, since that is apart of my life and art and how I basically get by. It is my lifestyle and how I see life with opened eyes. looking from anotherś shoes, trying to figure that idea or concept out. It is hard at times and it is one of those things that people ask me about. I get asked, ¨ Why do you talk to yourself?¨. Well, it goes along the lines of a ¨ Well, good question.¨ Me, I can be a little off in the crazy or corny small thoughts, almost like an abyss. I am so deep in thought, that I wonder, " What do I think about?¨

I find depression a hard thing to actually get out of my mind. The reason for that is because I do not know who is going to listen. What I mean is simple. If you understand someone´s life like you understand a good book, the will be in the category of that personś life. Me, I really do not have too many emotions to really, carry out and say. I will put it like this. Me, I have a habit of shocking people and dealing with a lot of strange things that even I, from time to time, wonder about. You wonder, why? Well if anyone has ever, get the time to understand me, just know I have a dark sense of humor. I will be honest, it does go a bit far, but the message is pretty clear. I find life an interesting thing. However, I do think of humanity and salvation in the aspect of destruction to promise, to extinction, and rebirth. I think of these thoughts a lot in my mind, to a point where I want to figure out my thought process and the way it comes into my mind, and how it comes out. It can come out a number of ways. Me, I rather just watch and be introduced politely. After a good conversation with some substance or some idea of where the conversation is going, then the flood gates begin.

I wonder about life. I wonder about life's questions, riddles, and puzzles. There are times where my sanity goes into insanity. I sometimes feel lost. I sometimes feel hurt by how depressed I get at times. Sometimes when I get depressed, I wonder about how to get out of it. When things get depressing, you feel like your back is in a corner. You feel hurt by people and family. But you feel really hurt if no one is willing to understand you. I have been misunderstood a couple of times to a point were,  I was in school or through my life, nicknamed ¨mute¨. I have been called that, due to how quiet I am. When you are quiet and no one wonders, anything else, it is a nice way of telling that, you are a quiet person. I can say it for a fact. Sorry, my writing has not been the best as of late. I find that when I think of the past, it is when I look back at that mirror... and that me......

Test drive at some sculpting

 

I was feeling kind of artsy tonight so I took some of my kids modeling clay and put this guy together. It's been about 15 years since I've really sculpted anything of substance so it's not bad for my first try in 15 years.

I AM HUNGRY

WHO IS THIS I?

I LOOKED IN MY STOMACH

AND THERE WAS NO I THERE.

REALLY, I AM HUNGRY, SO

I LOOKED AGAIN, THIS TIME

IN MY BRAIN AND WHEN I

LOOKED THERE ALL THERE WAS,

WERE THOUGHTS... BUT...

NO I.

WHERE IS THIS I THAT

IS HUNGRY? I FOUND

ALL THE PART'S A WHOLE

BODY THAT WAS "HUNGRY"

BUT THERE WAS NO I THERE.

SO, I DECIDED TO LOOK

OUTSIDE AND THERE WAS

NO I THERE, I LOOKED

EVERYWHERE.

FIRST, THE TOWN, THEN

THE COUNTRY, THEN THE

PLANET, I JUST KEPT

GOING UNTIL THE MILKY

WAY LOOKED LIKE A DOT

THEN IT DISAPPEARED.

STILL NO "I"

I WENT SO FAR THAT

THERE WAS NOTHING THERE

...THEN JUST LIKE

THAT THERE I WAS. I WAS EVERYWHERE

IN EVERY DIRECTION AS FAR

AS COULD BE SEEN

I, WAS THERE.

WELL... NOW IT'S

TIME TO GET SOME

FOOD CAUSE "I AM" HUNGRY.

 I find life interesting in the sense that you are not always looking for a way out of pain. When you look at pain, it is when you become more adapted to try again and again to correct what can correct. If you have no control over it, why bother with it in that sense? Sorry if I say, ¨sense¨, a lot. I have been dealing with what was a war to me involving some really deep and depressing things that no one who suit for. If you ever read something like this, you probably wonder what it would be about...

For me, it is more paranormal and also combined with reality, and the spirituality of ideas and practices, while still trying to exist in both worlds. Sometimes you feel like the work will never end and you will always be suck. You feel like an idiot even if you are one, you still are someone will to do what is needed even if it is hard for you to do what you need to do.

For me, dealing with the paranormal is like dealing with a nightmare, combined with a graveyard. It is one of those feelings or prime thoughts in your mind that makes you question who you are in term You feel like you are one, the one thinking of negative thoughts and ideas that become a lie to cover the blood and pain. It is something you try to run from until you are conditioned.

I spent the holidays in Panama. We went to this little bar called Red Ocean (because we LOVE things with the word Red in them) and on my way to the bathroom which was located in the courtyard, I saw this.  I was astonished at how beauty manifests itself, in the simplest of things.

Hello...  I can not believe I am doing this... why? Because I was told to. It all started when I was a little kid, dealing with a lot of things in their life. And I mean a lot of things. I wish people got the chance to get to know me before assuming. Most of the time, I feel not really interested in social interaction. I can not take it one bit. Oh yeah, where are my manners? My name is Elizabeth Rojas. Hello. ( Note- I do not know really want to start with except maybe the basics.

Wonder

Wonder... what is it? I have always asked myself.

Yet no matter how much I think about it,
it never seems to sort itself out.  I ponder on it,
I play with it and inquire deep within.
No matter what I do, I never seem to get to it.