My confusion, my focus. my question

This was, more for me, something spiritual and imaginary to think. It was a thought to me. It is more of me being myself. I like being myself when I can. Sometimes I do get scared of what I create... I think of art as an outlet. I like art, my spiritual sense, and my dark sense because of what... How should I put it? The picture is me. It is me in that fantasy world of a comic. I feel like this is me.
What do I mean in a confusion?

I see myself in an altered state, a fighter state, someone willing to do damage. And someone who is also fighting something hoping that some will relate to it. If you had a life reflecting some type of darkness and you felt push to your limit, what would you in that point? What is your distress call? What is your meaning for your purpose at that point? When fight or flight kicks in and makes it depressing or a nightmare?

And then you think, can I turn that around to the bright light? Can a wrong be turned into a light?

My take on reality

Interesting thing, in the  nightmare of the sweats in reality. Constantly on medication and looking at TV, filling out medical forms or being independent. It is one of those things that will eventually make you mad, and then you think of the reality of interacting with people. Listening to people, hearing them talk and hearing them go on and on? It is a bit tiring. It is one of those moments where the happiness comes out every so much, however in the depression of wounds and no one listening to you, who would? Who would believe the sanity in your mind and you think of the insanity.... Insanity, horror, gore and fear, ever taking a grip on you. Yet, you still smile, cry, and get back up.

What I thought I would write and now what I am writing

For this picture, I guess I can say in a sense, this is how I feel. I feel not to light, but not too heavy from what I deal with. I find the idea of art interesting, Art interesting... Yet thinking about reality, and also thinking about fantasy. Sorry, I do not know where I am going with this. I guess you can say I been out of it or not out of it.

When your knocked out of it, it is like, what to write?

I will start with the picture. It is a altered vision of me. And it is me as what people or what I believe I am  A angel. However, what kind of angel?

My idea of my thoughts and what I think of them.

It can be difficult to think of how I think of my thoughts or thinking in general. I get confused in my own thoughts at times, and sometimes I let them play me. However, that does mean that I actually let me play me. Scaring me, forcing me, being negative, forcing desires... It is one of those things that will make someone go mad and upset them to a point of hysteria and paranoia. Insanity is more o the word for it. Thinking about insanity. And then thinking of the annoying questions that bother you and give you insanity.
When in that insanity, thoughts become daily. When these thoughts become, more of your reality, and predict your thoughts, it becomes warped. Being a warped person, your personality changes also. For a long time, I have been warped and disturbed. You hate reality, you try to escape it and get out of the hell in this mess. However, humanity, love?
Look, I try to give love, I really do. But at some point, when things were bothering me, all I can think about was the thing I was scared of. That insanity that made a mode into a blood thirst war machine that does not care? Hehehhehe... it is a delightful thought of blood, however, when does that trigger? When does that cross over? I wonder that when I am frustrated, sad, or lonely, and when I am scared. I am but I will move on.

Depression

Hurt, the idea of hurt, the madness of a crazed mind and heart. The sounds of voices and noises. The thought of your heart pulsing and moving. Going through ups and downs. Going through the relationships if people and losing and gaining things. Annoying things and good and blessed ideas. Losing and giving. Thinking and doing.... And crying. It is normal to think that in the pit of depression. You think. And then you write. Your passion, ideas, dreams, experiences and so on, overflow this struggle and then you move on. The step is yours.

What I feel at times

I find that, sometimes I do get lonely or sad. Sometimes I feel depressed out of it, but sometimes I think about other thoughts. Finding my ability to not give up, dealing with voices and other thoughts that are maddening and disturbing.... It gets to a point where I wonder about sanity and insanity and the things of life. Finding my motivation, self- worth, and trust in people is hard but it pays off. It literally is when you realized what you been through and you snap, but you are happy. You are happy.. and also.. you are smiling.. why because you know at that point, nothing will stop you.

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